I have been wanting to write this post for awhile now.
I have been building it up in my head, only to forget these long strings of sentences and ideas that seemed so pertinent before. I have given into frustration more often than not. Is this post going to be as good as some of my others? Better? Can I evoke everything completely? How can I make it better?
And then, this morning, I ran across a little post by findingravity entitled “Now vs. Now” (read it here: Now vs. Now.) and realized I am not the only person caught up in comparison.
I know I am not the first person to compare myself, my work, my experiences to others. However, I would love to be someone who breaks that habit. It has been a HUGE mental block in everything I do for countless years. And worse is when I worry that others are comparing me, my work, and my experiences to others. That I will not live up to what other people expect of me. My least favorite word is disappointed, and no one even verbalizes it to me. I just live in some kind of fear of it.
And these comparisons and paranoia of do not propel me further in life. They stop me from trying new things. I have so many things I aspire to: getting into shape, making movies, traveling the world. But those girls at the gym are making me look bad and comparing this to that. My work won’t even make it into the festival circuit, so why waste my time? I will never be privileged enough to afford to travel.
It would be really nice and easy if there was no one else on this earth for me to compare myself to. But I guess that would be one really boring world. Who wants to live “easy”?
So, even though I can’t abolish these thoughts in my head, I can accept them as a challenge to push me harder. Right?
Or am I just weaker than that guy next to me?
❤ The Roamin Twin